Australia clearly loves Don Bradman. Logging into the hotel wi-fi, after purchasing 1GB of data, greeted by this welcome screen: “999.94MB remaining.”

47 all out. A defeat to New Zealand. Apart from the arrival of a chunky little opener, not too much for Australian cricket to cheer about. A letter in the Sydney Morning Herald: “Warne, Warner. Australian cricket now urgently needs Warnest.”

The full Indian squad’s first net session. Rahul Dravid doesn’t attend, but is spotted crossing Canberra Avenue, a faraway look on his face. He looked like a man preparing a speech in his head. In the evening, a scraggy bunch of Indian journalists aren’t allowed into the War Memorial. “Only for invited guests,” they are told, a little too late.

Day One of the first tour game isn’t pretty for the Indians. On a Manuka Oval strip that seems to have come straight from Rajkot, CA Chairman’s XI score 398 for six. Ishant Sharma bowls just 5.3 overs. With Zaheer Khan returning gingerly to fitness, memories of England resurface. Tendulkar and Laxman, another Australian tour, another gorgeous partnership. Both fail to emerge after lunch, as Tendulkar retires on 92. Will this jinx his 100th hundred quest?

Canberra, second warm-up

Plenty of Indian fans flock to the Manuka Oval nets. One of them identifies manager Shivlal Yadav to a friend. “That one, with the moustache, who looks like the inspector from Salaakhen.” Second tour game, light drizzle at lunch, and strange rumour in the press box — rain forecast, India threaten to call off game and head to Melbourne. No one goes anywhere. Play resumes, Virat Kohli scores the only century of India’s two tour games. Whenever Kohli hits a boundary, the Swami Army cheer for Rohit.

Ed Cowan does three press conferences in four days, even so, listening to his replies never gets tedious. The most competitive cricket in Canberra isn’t at the Manuka Oval, but 1.3km down the road, inside a hotel room shared by a couple of Indian journalists. Every leg side flick hits a squat, low-slung sofa, built along similar lines to an 80s Aussie legend who fielded at short leg. Each time sponge ball hits sofa, the cry goes up “caught by David Boon!”

Melbourne, first Test

A slim, bronzed Shane Warne looks up at a portly, bronze Shane Warne. “I think it’s 300 kilos, that statue,” he says. “Pretty lifelike it was when I played.” At the nets, MS Dhoni is overheard talking to a senior journalist about a movie he has watched recently. Can’t quite pick up which one, but certainly not a romance set in endless mustard fields. “I like action and comedy,” Dhoni says. “Not the DDLJ types.”

Boxing Day full of twists and turns. Ricky Ponting is hit on the head second ball, but toughs it out and makes 62. Mike Hussey falls to his third first-baller in seven innings, replays suggest he didn’t nick the ball. The Australian media goes apoplectic about DRS.

Day Two. The ovation for Tendulkar is rapturous. So is his innings, full of audacious uppercuts and silken drives. Thoughts stray to the ‘Tendulkar Page,’ which has sat in cold storage for many months, ready and waiting for the day. Is this it? No. A charged-up Peter Siddle bowls him on 73, minutes after bowling Dravid, portentously, off a no-ball.

ABC commentator Damien Fleming apologises for getting Ajay Jadeja (a childhood hero) lbw for 1 in a 1996 World Cup group match. Raves about Ben Hilfenhaus’s transformation after recovering from a knee injury. More pace, higher release, later swing. Hilfenhaus bowls Dravid with a beauty. India collapse. The Australian top order collapses. Ponting and Hussey resurrect their careers in tandem. The seesawing stops on Day Four. Australia’s fast bowlers, with both bat and ball, plant an emphatic fat bottom on one end. “We want follow on,” chant the Swami Army.

Sydney, second Test

Darling Harbour. Fireworks. First conversation of the New Year is with a Canadian who works for a fundraising agency. “What’s the difference,” she asks, “between cricket and croquet?”

Glenn McGrath poses for photographs with both teams wearing baggy pink caps for the Jane McGrath breast cancer foundation. Ashwin is capless till someone runs over to the Australian dressing room and borrows one. For once, McGrath doesn’t predict an Aussie whitewash. “Three-nil,” he grins. Someone reminds him it’s a four-Test series. “Oh, in that case, four-nil.”

The 100th Test at the SCG. A hint of green on the wicket. India bat first, are all out for 191. Zaheer removes the top three. Ponting and Clarke hit a few fours. Dhoni pushes the field back. On ABC Radio, Kerry O’Keefe ceases the wheezy laughter and makes a scathing remark. “Can’t set fields for bad bowling,” he says. “But these days they do.”

A century for Ponting, an unbeaten double ton for Clarke. Mike Hussey wades into the bowling late in the day. At tea, in the ‘media breakout room’, a group of Indian journalists wade into a pile of samosas.

Runs are to Michael Clarke what mince pies are to... scratch that sentence. Clarke goes past 300. The Indians drift listlessly. Some members of the press box drift too: “I thought they were getting close to 200 just now.”

Laxman walks off the SCG for the last time, 66 against his name. This is the first time he hasn’t scored a hundred in a Test on this ground. Clarke comes on and gets Tendulkar, on 80. So near, yet so far, yet again. India cross 300.

Perth, third Test

Only at the WACA can the curator become a celebrity. Cam Sutherland poses, hunched over the wicket, tapping it with his knuckles. Explains why exactly a traditional WACA wicket behaves the way it does. “I’ll be able to stick my key into it in the afternoon,” Sutherland says, “but by the time I came back in the evening, it would be rock hard.”

Ishant Sharma joins Virat Kohli in giving fans the finger. An Australian journalist jokes this is, in fact, a traditional Indian greeting conveying affection and respect, and proceeds to give us all the one-finger salute.

Attacked for his captaincy, his batting technique, his lack of emotional displays in defeat, his insistence on giving his team off days during long breaks between matches, Dhoni retains his humour. Asked which series had been worse, England or Australia, he replies: “You die you die. You don’t see which is the better way to die.”

Another overseas Test, another first-innings collapse. The wicket stays helpful, the breeze keeps blowing, and Warner takes India apart. At the end he has reduced Ishant and Kohli to the classic ‘come to India and then we’ll see’ sledge. Umesh Yadav bowls full and straight for a change, and looks dangerous. Australia lose all ten wickets for 159, two less than India’s total. Unfortunately for Umesh and Co, they let the opening pair put on over 200. The series lost, MS Dhoni is banned for India’s slow over rate.

Adelaide, fourth Test

First sight of the Adelaide Oval is from a pedal boat on the river Torrens. Roughly in the middle of the river, the boat seems to be going nowhere. The man ferrying us looks at the photos on our accreditation cards, to our faces, and back to the photos. All of us had much shorter hair in the photographs, he remarks. An eloquent commentary on the price of haircuts in Australia. Punter and Pup — an increasing number are referring to the duo using this alliterative phrase — score double centuries. Australia declare upon crossing 600. India lose Sehwag and Dravid. The number three is bowled again.

Tendulkar falls short of the 100th hundred once again. By a mere 75 runs. Once again, he is out trying to drive a swinging ball on the up. A tour that began so well is slipping away into mediocrity. The reverse is happening to Kohli. The century comes up in the midst of an angry confrontation with the Aussie fieldsmen, and is celebrated in typical Kohli style. Angrily.

Dravid walks in. “The stumps are asking for pads,” guffaws O’Keefe on the radio. He isn’t bowled this time, but is out caught at gully. Tendulkar goes cheaply, and Laxman hangs around for a while before falling to a well-laid trap.

Another bad day for the Indians, another Ashwin press conference. “Do you get additional allowance for being the team’s official spokesperson,” asks a senior journalist.