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‘Amen — an autobiography of a nun’, released last week, is written by Dr Sister Jesme, 52, who was the Principal of St Mary’s College, Thrissur, till last August when she quit the Congregation of Mother Carmelite (CMC).
“Dedicated to Jesus”, Amen is explicit in its details of the sexual repression and harassment behind the Church walls as well as the draconian rules and “greed” of the Order. Jesme claims that since the book was released, she has been getting calls pledging solidarity.
“Nuns mingle with the whole spectrum of the community around them. They teach students, comfort the aged and nurse the sick; still the brides of the Church remain an enigma. My work would throw light on the misunderstood convent life, engulfed in darkness,” says Jesme.
Apart from the Abhaya murder in which a nun and priests are accused, the Kerala Church was recently in the news for a priest “adopting” a 26-year-old woman.
Jesme’s autobiography includes a poignant version by her of how the convent authorities tried to twice prove that she had mental problems and get her admitted into a rehab centre after she reportedly spoke out against the malpractices within the Order.
Starting with her first days in the Church, 30 years ago, she talks of priets forcing novices to have relations with them and the closet homosexuality within nun ranks, “which the Church reckons as the dirtiest thing possible”. “If nuns developed unusual interest in each other, authorities would deploy other inmates to watch them,” she writes.
The book says Jesme herself was forced into such a relationship by a fellow nun, and that her complaints to a senior nun were ignored. According to her, the other nun said she preferred such a relationship as it ruled out pregnancy. There were others who had affairs with priests, she writes.
Another passage in Amen deals with a chance encounter Jesme had with a priest in Bangalore while on her way to Dharwar to attend a UGC refresher course in English. “My plan was to stay at the waiting room at the Bangalore railway station. But sisters in the convent gave me the address of a pious, decent priest. When I reached Bangalore, the priest was waiting to receive me. He embraced me and took me to his presbytery. After breakfast, he took me to Lalbagh (Botanical Garden) and showed me several pairs cuddling behind trees. He also gave a sermon on the necessity of physical love and described the illicit affairs certain bishops and priests had.”
Later, when they were in his room, she writes, he stripped and made her do the same.
Jesme claims that while nuns in the lower ranks were punished if caught for even minor offences, the Church turned a blind eye to those superior or with influence for major transgressions.
Talking about the Church’s draconian rules, Jesme writes in the book that she was not allowed to go home when her father died, or to even pray some extra hours for his soul. “I was able to see my father barely 15 minutes before the funeral. The alibi of the superiors was that the then senior sisters were not even lucky enough to see the bodies of their parents.”
During her time in the Church, Jesme often ran into problems with superiors. She was called “cine nun” after she provided office facility for a film festival at St Mary’s College, leading to the first campus film from the college, as well as when she shared dais with a sex worker for the release of a book on the life of a prostitute.
Since quitting CMC, Jesme has been staying alone in a flat in Kozhikode. She told The Indian Express she was still living as a “nun”. “I go for Church mass daily and have no plans to get married.”


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In a society which treat women as secondclass citizen, Jesme has done a great service by openly,but decently and in a matured and responsible manner expose the undsirable practices going on in convents.She has said good things as well about the religious.She makes a case for intospection amoung church and convent authorities.It was really pitiable how a rank holder and dashing young women turned nun was treated badly at the fag end. I admire her courage.Congrata to Jesme .I will be too glad to extend moral support to her.
Budhism, the oldest religion and order of Bhikshus and Nuns had the same story. Moral decline in Budhist Monsatries made them a laughing stock. Catholic Church in Kerala is also in its ruins, depsite the wealth and influence it has got in Kerala society, has become another laughing stock. Sisters are not to blame. It is their parents/brothers to be blamed. Often their daughters/sisters get abused by the church rackets, apart from the default and well-known labour exploitation. Church get richer and richer while their women are exploited more and more. There is a case for NCW and all other human rights activists.
In catholic church only we see celibacy is as a factor of holiness. If people understand the Bible truly in its sense ,not only their celibacy but also their kind of communitylife with all their sacramental life is dead against the Bible .Their way of worship and spirituality is tottally against the Bible. If we go deeper in to their life the Sodom and Gomorah is alive there in the priestly nun life. These are the work of Satan. This people are blind folded by Satan . They see hear and experience the truth but do not realizes it . You may please read the Book "Itha Ninte Mina " written by me you may understand the facts. If any one would like to read it I can send it to you. Jesus is the Truth,light and eternal life ifyou try to follow Him only no one will be misguided. Any how these are the last days for jesus'coming . I can not say heaven is opened for priests and nuns . But heaven is only for those who trust in His promise of Heaven as His free gift only out of His mercy.
I read the story of the ex-nun. is there anyway to find out what she tellling is the truth. is she ready with relevent data to back herself? the review i read is like her unfulfilled desires. i feel she wants a good sex. She has to way to get it inthe convent she must be a nut case. writing about it may be the expression fo her loose character. i am sure some one come forward to have you. well i feel you can be the directer of s good pron movie. thats the right job for you. thank the heavens that you are out of the convent. if you have such stories send it some pron film makers they wll be hapy and pay you well. i feel ashamed of you jasmie. sorry for you. what s waste is your life. you are supposed to be a pronstar. but they made u a NUN. now the church is praying for the mistake.
Dear Thomas,sr.Jesme in her book has written her experience. Being an Indian citizen, she also has every right to express herself.I dont think any woman would lie about such matters just to gain popularity, and I feel men with ur kind of mind are anti-social elements in the society. men like you are the reason a woman is suppressed even now. I believe so far she was a waste living as a nun, but now she is nomore..because God is alredy using her to bring out the deceptive Catholic church from its filthy veils. Thank God people like you are always there for the promotion of pron movies!!!
I would like to congratulate the Indian Express to expose the story. For the Catholic Church to allow the disclosure of this confession is unbelievable. I guess this nun must be knowing much more! After going through all this, I hope she is allowed to return to the religion of her forefathers - Hinduism. OM Shanti.
I have great respect for the priests and nuns for their selflesss service to the people. any fool can do any social work but like the consecrated one who can work for the people with much sincerity, not only for the physical growth but also for the spiritual life of the people. The so-called Amen is a biased piece of literature has nothing to do with the facts as i suppose. How could she write all this. this itself shows her very character and her vested interests. I won't say this as her guts. some wavering thoughts . why does she want to tarnish the Church with her prejudised imaginations. faithful should be cautious of these treats and act according to it
Selfless Service?? I heard in India priest, nuns, missionaries service is not selfless. If people from other relegion need service they need to change their relegion? Bribing them with money for change of relegion is also done? This is against human ethics, service ethics. Is this not an insult to Jesus? Please update me.
The nun in this story ist most likely psychologically not balanced. Her revelation after spending 32 years in the religious life shows that she is an woman without any principle and morality. It is only when her position as the principal of the college was under threat her so called "moral conciousness" awoke. If her vocation war genuine and if she had considered her chaste life as the most precious gift in her life , she should have reacted to the earlier sexual adavnces towards her. From her narration i understand that she did not give any value to her celibacy. Her present outrageous reaction is only because her vested interests are no more promoted by the religious superiors. She is a black sheep in the religious life. There could be a few mor black sheep in the religious life. It is not fare to brand the catholic church as bad because of the presence of such silly persons who have no moral standars and who live only for thier selfish vested interests.
i don't think she is imbalanced. she maybe imbalanced during her times in the convent where she had seen the sodomites, pedophiles, peverted priests and nuns. she is very brave to tell her story to the world. comeon, think about it, there is too much dirt in teh priesthood and turning a blind eye is the greatest hypocrisy.
The torment Jesme went through is nothing new in a convent or in and orphanage run by nuns. I am living proof of the sexual degradation of nuns. Some of their torment of a 5 year old boy, me, was horific and it took me many years of life to finally begin to trust women, much less nuns I ran into. I in fact have just finished writing about this and gave details of their sexual preversion. It was for my benefit to get it out of my head, I am now 74 years old.
This is on sided. Has anyone tried to get the story from the otherside ???Why does one publish stories without doing proper research on that ?? Probably is it because it adds to the sale of newpaper
we have to save our faith from this immoral preists and nuns. Many years this sex and money scandals are going kerala church. Even in abroad many priets and nuns are doing the same things. Money is first and sex is next.
So what is new ??? Missionaries both in Europe and all of Asia have been guilty of these sins that's why in one of her apparitions the Blessed Mother in Madjugorje asked all of us to pray for our priests and nuns because, hell is populated by them.
im reminded of the old fox and the grapes! the story, infact it is, seems to be very strange! how could it be that this nun went with that priest to his room? why could nt she react when he was different? and finally when she was asked to move away from her position as a the principal everything was bitter for her. a state of 'all good n all bad' those of u who studied psychology might recall. i wonder about the way she reacted to the whole church which has its legacy for thousands of years!!! i dopray for this person who had to face bitter experience in her life. i would wish that if she was taking it as a point for growth. always remember that 'GRACE BUILDS ON NATURE'. the grace of god is vested on mere human nature. its good to see the fault of oneself and get it corrected before we go to correct others...
Jesmy clearly wanted to leave her nunhood, so find some excuses to convince herself and others. That is all. As always, only because she was ‘threatening’ she reached up to the level of a principal. The same way why Kottoor and Puthrukayil were in higher up the hirearchy and why Pinaray is so confidnet to lie to his stupid followers.
Bullshit can take you to heights but you will not stay there for long....
it is interesting to see that you reveal all of your experiences once your so called age is over. if you were genuine, you should have revealed such things boldly at those times itself, instead of you yourself engaging in such activities 1000 times with utmost interest. happy to see that you secured enough money from cmc to publish such nasty novels. if possible sent me a free copy since you want the whole world to read your novels.
I am a practicing Syrian catholic myself and i am glad that such a book is being released at least that will enlighten and embarrass the church elders and instigate them to bring about much required transparency and reforms within the church. This is the saddest and the most shameful episode in the 2 millennia old history of the church of India. Let the believers face it, instances and evidences are too many to dub it off as a communist conspiracy, hushing up the matters will only give the perverts an oppurtunity to maintain the status quo. Laity should not let the rich traditions of the indian church go down to the 'American Levels'.
Shame on the Church. It shows the real story behind the doors. I think it has also got to do with easy money. Money collected from the West is spent in India to get religious conversions.
You always wanted to be known. Pity for you dear sister for your book and your confessions. What do you think about the readers? Fools? You and the anti-Christians will get good money by selling the book. Get lost with that. But you can never sleep peacefully for betraying the Church. My prayer for you: your soul shall not be perished like of Judas. Repend and confess your sins.
Nothing is shocking, Nothing is new! Faith, Religion and Attire change...but desire remains the same!
So true and so genuine............I agree completely with your opinion.
Priests should be deprived of their holy status and should be considered just like other human beings having bodily desires. Those who want should be allowed to marry and have family life. The church had always tried to cover up all the dirty things which happened in their institutions instead of recognizing and rectifying them. In olden days they could get away with that, but no longer now. People are educated and they are no longer afraid to stand up and question these atrocities. When something like this spills out it, the damage it causes to the church is often beyond repair.
I am also a victim of the famous mangalore church - i was first coaxed into a relationship with a prominent church priest - who was in bangalore and now in mangalore. he surely must have seduced a lot like me - i can tell this becos the way he behaved and performed was like a pro. i may have liked it at that time but now i really feel that i have sinned and allowed him to sin against quite a lot of girls.
I was ahsamed to read the open confession of you.If you had those shameful experiences ,it does not have to happen with everyone.Your sisters sent you out because you are not normal,when i read about it i felt pity for you ,but now after reading your that vulgar so called autobiography i am cofirmed that you really are insane.It is very easy to mislead or convince the people with your stupid story..because people are very inerested in those kind of story without realizing the realities.Now it is time for you to look into your conscience and bring about the real true story.
The nuns groups are more depending on the priests …why? They can have their own stand. I know, in some places priests are invited to convents for lunch, supper and all. This way the convents and priest groups keeping a regular contact .in my view they don’t need to keep this type of contact. In spiritual aspect they should keep some lines between them.
This story sounds like the misplaced anger of a disgruntled ex-nun. Her "tell all" confessions tell more about her own mental dillusions than reality. Maybe she should have learned about the eigth commandment...thou shalt not bare false withness against thy neighbor. Fiction sells just like the DAA-VINCI CODE!
You have either NOT read Da-Vinci code ... or NOT read it unbiased.
well ,brahmacharyam is a human thing.
May God Bless this woman, and use her as an instrument of purification for the Church in Kerala. Her faithful love of Christ and the Church will help to bring about a renewal. Look at the life of St. Therese of Avila who had to do much to reform the order. Same with Saint John of the Cross.