A shirtless Salman Khan in a leather jacket whose back read ‘Rockstar’ was so cool. So was Abhishek Bachchan, in brocaded glory with peacock feathers sticking out of his coat pocket. Or even Karan Johar’s Zoolander pout that the filmmaker loves so much he wears it every day. Editors loved fashion weeks so much they would heckle low-rung hacks for show passes.

The more things change, the more they remain the same. The heckling continues, as do sensational page-one photo-ops, but for a far sexier reason than a pirouetting film star. This is the age of the Wardrobe Malfunction. Even as Rajesh Pratap Singh, the unwitting recipient of the new Wardrobe Malfunction award, shudders in anger, we suggest some other contenders.

Wardrobe Malfunction No 1
Awarded to the scores of designers who came out with dresses/ tunics worn with opaques. Trends are meant to be followed but such an imitative interpretation of Collezioni means you can’t tell a Rohit Gandhi from a Varun Sardanha from a Gaurav Gupta from whoever’s next.

WM No 2
Awarded to Ritu Kumar, that grande dame of print-making and mass production who’s more of a company than a designer. She doesn’t need a fashion week, and honestly, with biannual lines that are so far removed from style, humour, imagination and innovation, they’d be better off without her.

WM No 3
To the Lakme team that’s invited International Herald Tribune’s iconic fashion editor Suzy Menkes to their fashion week in Mumbai. I’m very worried what she would say about designers who’ve just come out of fashion school, a sprinkling of people on their seats, shows that are separated by two never-ending hours and an event that does little for fashion except sell more lipstick.

WM No 4
For all the socialities and celebrities who save a fashion week from turning into a trade fair. Each one dressed and accessorised in the latest of international fashion houses, perfumed to out-fragrance the Alhambra and powdered well enough to make Photoshop redundant. Sorely missed in Delhi, please make up for it in Mumbai.

WM No 5
To various fashion editors, struggling to keep up with various fashion weeks (now that we’re all ‘doing’ Milan and Paris, dahling). I can only imagine their trauma each morning, opening the swishy doors of their almirahs and finding they haven’t a thing to wear.