Director: Priyadarshan

Once upon an ancient time, an exemplary friendship illumined our land : the tales of Lord Krishna and his childhood pal Sudama, perhaps apocryphal, perhaps mythical, still continue to regale and delight us.

Monster Malyalam hit 'Katha Parayumpol' becomes 'Billu' on its way to the Hindi heartland via Priyadarshan. In the re-make, Irrfan plays the barber who shared tiffin with superstar Sahir Khan, when they were carefree school-children. Now all grown up, Billu is still dirt poor, living with wife and two kids in a spartan hut, and Sahir is the 'badshah' of Bollywood.

The film, geared towards the climactic point of the two opposite poles meeting, is supposed to thrive on the tensions built by the director, in the lives of Billu and Sahir. But except for a couple of sequences which hit the emotional spot, Priyadarshan's latest is devoid of the essential drama that would have made 'Billu' a memorable film.

Can you put a high-octane performer like SRK and a fabulous actor like Irrfan in one film and draw a near-blank? Priyan has done exactly that by abandoning his usual exuberance, which makes his films such loud, take-you-out-of-yourself experiences. Here he goes uncharacteristically sedate, and keeps everything so toned down that almost nothing lifts off the screen.

Too much time is spent getting Billu and Sahir to meet, and the interim passes slowly. Irrfan is wonderful, but is surrounded by a lot of dead wood : except for Asrani, the rest of the bit parts never go beyond their lines. Or are just plain uninteresting. How many times can you see a mustachioed Om Puri (playing a greedy money-lender) drive up to Billu's little shop in the middle of a village chowk (note to the film-makers : sets will always be sets, and never the real thing: a UP village will never have a round circle dotted with subziwalas, naiees (barbers), and other bric-a-brac, it's always intersecting galis), and yell at him?

And Lara as a village belle may not be as much a stretch as the one she was in 'Mumbai Se Aaya Mera Dost', but only a tad: her flawlessly cut low-back cholis are a fashion statement you won't find in villages.

SRK, playing a character as close to himself as you wouldn't notice (and you're not supposed to) charges up the scene everytime he comes on, saying something pithy. Which happens too seldom, because he's too busy boosting the film with item numbers with Kareena, Priyanka and Deepika. Happily, he does reserve some lovely lines for himself: "I'm the only movie star who has more men than women around me".

He's saying that apropos of the macho security men who surround him, but ha ha, read between the lines. He also uses the film to launch broadsides at people who say nasty things about the Khans and Bollywood rivalries, and pompous types who do not respect actors : not for nothing is he the smartest of them all.