1) Thou shall not have any other gods. I am your lord

Ask Dera Sacha Sauda chief Baba Gurmeet Ram Rahim. As if a name featuring three lords wasn’t sufficient to remind people of his presence, he decided to quiet literally don the attire of a highly venerable Sikh Guru.

2) Do not make any idols

Again we took it literally. Instead of an Indian idol, we preferred Voice of India. Ishmeet Singh got not just awards and felicitations, but also job offers, marriage proposals, advertising contracts and much more. Meanwhile, the SGPC also decided that it is better to have portraits than idols even if it involved the absurdity of hanging the image of a secessionist leader in the museum near one of mankind’s holiest and purest shrines.

3) Do not misuse the name of God

Too many custodians of God wanted to make sure that his name wasn’t misused. So a little-known Shahi Imam issued a fatwa against Aroosa Alam. An even lesser known right-wing party called for a ban on the movie Jab We Met. Reason: They felt a Hindu boy marrying a Sikh girl was blasphemous.

4) Keep the Sabbath Holy

God said keep the Sundays holy and an over-eager Punjab government decided to give hallowed status to a major portion of the year. Apart from Saturdays and Sundays, there are 31 public holidays and restricted offs. Mathematically speaking, it constitutes more than one-third of the year.

5) Honour your father and mother

Nobody exemplifies it better than Sukhbir Badal. Concerned at the sheer magnitude of his father’s onerous duties, he has decided to share his responsibilities. Conducting meetings with bureaucrats, taking official decisions and deciding on government’s policy stands are some areas where he has alleviated the burdens of the Chief Minister.

6) Do not murder

This is a commandment that applies to each one of us in the region who balk at the thought of a girl child and have no qualms about taking every possible step to ensure that she doesn’t see the light of the day.

7) Do not commit adultery

Tch tch…People are so touchy about this that the mere presence of a female friend raises their hackles. Capt Amarinder Singh’s proximity with a friend from across the border is leading to him being hauled over the coals. Similarly, G.S. Bali’s alleged rendezvous with bar dancers led to his exit from the Himachal ministry. So, walk the straight and narrow. Sigh!

8) Do not steal

Finance Minister Manpreet Badal has been nobly exhorting his state’s denizens to pay the government its due. In his endeavour, he has made moving speeches, given glaring examples, shocking statistics and adapted novel methods of tax compliances. But despite that, tax collection remain abysmal in Punjab.

9) Do not lie

Yes, please, please don’t. Right to Information (RTI) has ensured that fibbing cannot go undetected for long.

10) Do not covet