I’m India’s lighthouse, Mamma!

10, Janpath,
Dicembre 20, 2001

Mamma mia!

Buon Natale — Merry Christmas — and buon anno, happy new year! Tua figlia, your daughter will be molto occupato, most busy, for the next few days therefore We just snatched some minuti to pen these lines. Sometimes, Mamma, it’s non e possibile to get some time for Ourselves.

The gente, people, love Us molto molto, so very much that it is sometimes molto difficile for Us to be a privato person. Thanks for your compleanno, birthday card. We had a great day on my birthday — Dicembre 9 — with the great unwashed once again congregating outside our casa, house. We wore a simple salwar kameezo, with a checked duppato, as We made our appearance. Maybe We should construct a balcony at 10, Janpath, for this purpose. Then tua figlia will be like that Argentinian woman, si, Eva Peron surveying her shirtless ones! Only joking, Mamma! Anyway, the birthday turned out to be a big celibrazione, with 56 pigeons released to represent each anno, year, or Our great vita, life. Then someone came up with a enormous garlando, which We had to wear for the fotografia.

But what We liked most of all was the graffiti on the posters. One said that We were the ‘Light house of India’. How do you like that, Mamma? Did you ever think that tua figlia will become the molto importante donna, the most important woman of India? Did you ever imagine, when you fed tua figlia your delicious risotto alla Milanese, that one day We would grow up and become the Prime Ministero-in-waiting in this grande terra, great land? That one day We could become like Indira Gandhi, my suocera, mother-in-law? Si, one of the
posters at the birthday celebrazione said it all: ‘‘Indira Gandhi jaise thi, Sonia Gandhi waisi hain’’ (that just as Indira Gandhi was, so is Sonia Gandhi today). Nice to know that this is what the unwashed ones are thinking of Us.

Sometimes, We wish We could go back to the good old days, when We spent our time baking a torta, a cake, which we then served to Our suorcera and bambini for te. Speaking of cakes, that buffo, Sharad Pawar, had one that weighed 631 kg for his 61st birthday! What a joke it was — shaped like an ‘S’, I believe. We did, however, make a note of the baker’s name so that if we need an ‘S’-shaped cake in future, We know where to go.

But Mamma, forget cakes and other good things, now We have to fight a long battaglia to finire, finish, the BJP. All Our time now goes in thinking of the right strategy to achieve this. For the moment we have decided to blow caldo, hot, and blow fresco, cold. This is only to create confusiono. One minute, they will see Us as sweet and docile, the next minute they see Us sharp as a razor. One minute, We are inquiring about the Prime Minister’s well-being, the next minuto We are calling him an incompetento, who could not protect Our Parliamento because of the failure of his intelligence. Wonder if he caught Our pun!

Now We have become very good at Parliamento. You should have heard your daughter speak on that scam that hit the BJP government over costly coffins for the Kargil dead. We almost got that buffo, George Fernandes, in a coffin himself! We said it straight: ‘‘We believe he must resign. It is absolutely appalling the way they have been doing business with the coffins of our martyrs.’’ And you know what, Mamma? We said this without tripping over uno parola, one word. Verismo! At this rate, We will soon get to be as good as Our caro marito, dear husband, Rajiv.

We had a coronation this week, by the way. You remember Madhavrao, the maharajo of Gwalior? Well, his son has just ascended the throne to shore up our empire in Madhya Pradesh. But it is Uttar Pradesh that We have to win and Our thoughts are now directed to this region, the seat of the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty. By the way, Mamma, we have for the moment vanquished that pretender to the throne, Maneka, who dared to challenge tua figlia. We have seen to it that She was divested of her portfolios and was left only with her gatti e cani, cats and dogs! Quite a gatto she can be, Mamma! Tried to claw Us in public but it was she who was left licking her wounds!

Thanks for that little Armani cappotto, coat, that you sent. This inverno, winter, We gave up our collection of shahtoosh shawls and wore natty coats for formal occasions. It was, We believe, considered very fashionable and those stupidos — Delhi’s silly socialites — were falling over themselves to get similar ones tailored for themselves. Verismo, the whole nation is looking to Us for direction.

Got to run now to attend an importante riunione, meeting. A Buon Natale, once again.
Ti amo,
Sonia

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