Democracy is Mushar’raf and ready

Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf’s experiments with democracy has filled the entire democratic world with unadulterated, jaw-dropping awe.

He has demonstrated, yet again, the sterling truth that, in Pakistan, democracy is founded on the inalienable right of the Pakistani people to be the victims of a military coup. He has also conclusively established that democracy is a form of government in which everybody is equal, Generally speaking.

And Generally speaking, the cardinal principle is that when the General speaks everyone had better listen if they know what’s Generally good for them.

Which brings us to that other fine democratic point that the General has been at some pains to establish — that the people of Pakistan have the cherished right to vote as long as they vote for the General.

All this should lead to the indubitable conclusion that democracy in Pakistan is in Generally safe hands. I now bring you a copy of the multi-choice referendum questionnaire that the General plans to present his people on April 30:

Which do you prefer — Military Rule or Democratic Rule? Do you prefer...
a) Musharraf in military uniform
b) Musharraf in a safari suit
c) Musharraf in both military uniform and safari suit

Which is your favourite television programme?
a) Musharraf’s speech to the nation on August 14
b) Musharraf’s speech to the nation on January 15
c) Musharraf’s speech to the nation on April 5

Who is your favourite TV star?
a) Musharraf behind rose garlands
b) Musharraf wearing tribal turban
c) Musharraf wearing embroidered waistcoat

Who in government inspires you the most?
a) President Musharraf
b) President Musharraf
c) President Musharraf

Who in the Opposition inspires you most?
a) President Musharraf
b) President Musharraf
c) President Musharraf

Define a public rally in a democratic election?
a) A crowd of councillors
b) A crowd of safai mazdoor
c) A crowd of government clerks and peons

What are the burning issues of the day for Pakistanis?
a) The health of the nation’s economy
b) The health of the people.
c) The health of Pervez Musharraf’s pet Pekinese dogs?

Which country has the best system of democracy on the sub-continent?
a) India
b) Sri Lanka
c) Pakistan

Who deserves to rule Pakistan forever?
a) Nawaz Sharif
b) Benazir Bhutto
c) Pervez Musharraf

PS: All those who voted for ‘a’ or ‘b’ in the last three sections will be sent on serve time at the Siachen Glacier.

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