Speak Up, Madam

Sonia Gamdhi wasn’t the only one sitting with clenched fists and gritted teeth on that fateful morning when she arrived for the first day of Parliament to take her oath as the leader of Opposition. In her (Gucci) shoes, I would’ve been an even bigger wreck. Watching her as she sat, practically motionless, eyes fixed, body still, I thought to myself: ‘‘It’s time to hand it to her — what courage, what daring.’’

Only the very brave or the very foolish would undertake what she has, and live to tell the tale. Her real test has only just begun. For years, she got by with her Sphinx routine. Then, suddenly last summer, she ‘came out’ like a reluctant debutante to head her floundering party. She waltzed around the countryside, but spoke little. When she did open her mouth, we heard a few unintelligible words which could have been Italian, which sounded Italian, but were actually Hindi. We still did not know what was going on in Madam’s head. And it’s possible, Madam did not know either. Later, we were informed Madam wanted to be prime minister. We gasped, but held our peace. Then Madam goofed up big time with the numbers. And the Prezzie playing India’s headmaster, sternly ticked her off and sent her packing. We smiled indulgently. It’s okay, we said, the poor lady is learning on the job. At our expense, but so what?

And now she has landed the job.
Perhaps not the one she was angling for, but a good enough one, nevertheless. She is going to be the voice of the Opposition in Indian democracy’s toughest debating forum. Good luck. And God bless India. She took her oath in Hindi without gagging on the words. Surrounded by her photogenic family, Sonia Gandhi made a pretty picture in the Lok Sabha. Great. But what next? At some point, she will be expected to get to her feet and act as a mouthpiece for the Opposition. India has enjoyed a long and illustrious tradition of great orators like Jayaprakash Narayan, Ram Manohar Lohia and Madhu Dandavate who rose to the occasion and argued their points convincingly. Powerful speakers, all. It’s a pity some of them belonged to the pre-television era or else we could’ve relived the glory days through replays. Madam’s predecessors were parliamentary stalwarts who could argue constitutional points with conviction. To put it kindly, Madam is seriously disadvantaged in this department, even though she will be ably assisted by more competent colleagues. In the old days, such people were derisively described as HMVs (His Master’s Voice). Shall we translate that to His Mistress’

Voice in the current context?
Madam doesn’t know what she has put her foot into. And I am mortified on her behalf. The role she has chosen for herself is a far tougher one than the role she was forced to abort. Being the prime minister of India sounds like a cakewalk compared to this. All eyes will henceforth be focused on Madam’s performance in the Lower House. We will, of course, be taking in equal amount of interest in her wardrobe.

But each time she attempts to make a speech, we will be listening keenly. The first day of the 13th Lok Sabha may have proved to be an anti-climax for those who’d been hoping for more than a mere oath taken in chi-chi Hindi. But relax, folks. There are months and months stretching ahead. Bofors has resurfaced once more. Pandemonium and disruption will once again be the order of the day. Get ready for maara-maari in the house. Madam had stated (over-dramatically) on a pre-election TV interview: ‘‘They have crucified my husband.’’ Oh dear. Madam had said that with all the fire of a diva auditioning for an Italian opera. Now what? As the pundits say: ‘‘The fun has just begun.’’

Meanwhile, Priyanka and her Boogie Woogie husband, can provide moral support from the VIP gallery. And Girja Vyas can perfect the game of Chinese whispers with Kamal Nath.

India has never had a prettier Opposition leader. For that, at least, let us be thankful. Think of the alternative. It could’ve been a lot worse. Between a Maratha Strongman and Mama Mia.

— I’ll settle for the latter.