Says eyewitness Ima Blind, "Here Dog was cautious in dealing with the taunting menace. He did not make any concerted threatening gestures toward the hydrant. No, he just stared the enemy down, then circled around the fire hydrant a few times. He paused, and apparently decided it was not worth it."

Usually, in a situation like this, the canine will make a first preemptive strike. The leg is raised, cocked, and then the dog fires off a few rounds. Depending on how full the bladder chamber is, a dog may blast off several thousand rounds, before the fire hydrant even knows what hit him. Such random acts of aggression are demonstrated by man's best friend on America's paved sidewalks each day. Every 30 seconds, a dog is taking out his frustrations on a fire hydrant.

The mayor of Bellingham is awarding Here Dog with the key to the city. Says Mayor Sally Slithers, "As a gesture of goodwill, we hope that Here Dog's valiant behaviour will be a model for all dogs to abide by. Maybe, just maybe, other dogs will leave their city's fire hydrants alone."

Fortunately, scientists from around the US have flown into Auburn to study Here Dog's unique demeanour. Various experiments have been designed to test Here Dog's temperament. For example, Here Dog was given 10 bowls of beer, and then allowed to walk through a maze full of fire hydrants. Amazingly, he passed this test flawlessly, and did not strafe a single fire hydrant. However, he did quite a bit of swaggering, and lapped at the fire hydrants. Although considered a risky move, the lapping did not provoke any of the fire hydrants to retaliate.

One other test involved taking Here Dog to a veterinarian's office, where the room was wallpapered with fire hydrants. Evidently, this method was done to scare the piss out of him. Once again, Here Dog performed superbly. He made an unexpected move by choosing to pass out. By doing so, Here Dog was able to not see his surroundings, and tuned out the whole experience. In time, it is hoped that dog and fire hydrant can coexist peacefully.

Stay tuned next week, when Here Dog is launched into outer space. Watch him do a moonwalk past floating fire hydrants. All of America is rooting for you, Here Dog!

Courtesy absurdtimes.com