She couldn't care less if most people think that her flourishing career in films was aborted abruptly after her marriage with Amitabh Bachchan. And now, as she plays the lead role in Govind Nihalani's Hazaar Chaurasi ki Maa, an adaptation of a Bengali novel of the same name by Mahashweta Devi, she is irked at the media branding it as her grand comeback.

Apart from playing an extremely sensitive character``something that all women will identify with, for despite the progress of mankind the woman's lot hasn't changed at all''Jaya Bachchan is also glad that she is playing her age. After a traumatic sequenceplaying the mother who is called upon to identify her dead sonshe takes a break from the sets to talk to Sudipta Basu about her life under and away from the arc lights. Excerpts:

Can you recall a similar, tense sequence in your career?

There have been a few. Abhaghi was one, where such a strain prevailed right through the film. Abhimaan was another, when I lose the child and then in Silsila, after my fiancee dies in the plane crash.

Why do you resist from referring to Hazar Chaurasi ki Maa as your comeback? That's because I've never really been away from the industry. Silsila might have been my last major film, but I also played a character in Tapan Sinha's series, Women of the Century, last year. Then, I was also supposed to have done a film directed by Shafi Inamdar. The project was stalled after his death.

The gaps in my career have been due to the fact that people stopped making the films that I was comfortable doing. I have not been much of a dancer and couldn't wriggle and jiggle at all. Then the characters that were being made for me were a rehash of Kora Kagaz and Abhimaan. I would have simply ended up repeating myself.

Consider the characters that are being carved out for women in the industry today. Playing run-of-the-mill roles, they (the actresses) end up being overexposed and over-hyped and are branded has-beens very young. Madhuri Dixit is an example. She is being considered jaded when she is actually still very young.

What were your priorities when you stepped into the industry?

Not to make money. (It was to) express yourself sensitively and get appreciated for it.

And the character closest to your heart?

Guddi. Apart from that being my first film, it was also one which I could identify with completely. The entire household there drawn by Hrishikesh Mukherjee was very tangible for its Indianness. There is no gap between the audience and the characters on screen. This was a complete Indian film.

How much of the child-like and bubbly Guddi and Mili were you? They were second nature to me. I am a very restless person. I am a complete extrovert and I enjoy good fun. I hope I am fun to be with as well. n As one who has been the chairperson of the Children's Film Society, do you think today's urban Indian teenager would identify with the child-Guddi and child-Mili?

Children today fall into two categories. The pre-teens and those between 13 and 16. When the mantle of the head of the children's film society fell on me, I immediately sought to build a platform for the two groups by re-naming the society as the National Society for Children and Young People (NSCYP). I realised that children needed to look beyond parks and swimming pools for intelligent entertainment. Overburdened with school bags and regimented academics, they needed the space to express themselves. n As soon as you took over, you invited a few children's filmmakers' wrath by rejecting their films which were otherwise considered good. Bhimsen went on to win the national award.

I would not like to comment on Bhimsen's film, since the case is being heard in the courts. However, it is important for Bhimsen to sit down and do some introspection.

At the NSCYP I tried to change the attitude that bachchon ke liye film saste mein ban jaati hai. Making a children's film is not easy. I improved the budget of the films that would earlier remain on the fringes of Rs 3 lakh. Technical qualities and the treatment of the films were improved. Out of 30 subjects that were submitted, only one would qualify for being scripted, which again would turn out to be very sub-standard. I must confess here that all our films were not of great quality.

Most people feel you have not acted out your potential.

Well, I have had separate roles to play. Being a wife and mother became completely important to me soon after. Even now, when I am on sets I am feeling guilty about the fact that I will not be around to receive my daughter who is coming home today. She is an adult and I wonder if I should feel this way, but then it also means love and concern of a mother. After all, life is not made of one's self.

Your husband once said in a radio interview that Abhimaan was very close to your lives together.

He must have meant about that bit of us being in the same profession.

Otherwise, there has never been any ego hassle between us.

The Bachchan household has always been dogged by controversy spinning around your private lives, as also now... .

One learns to shut one's ears to them.

Do you then see yourself cast opposite your husband in a film?

Certainly. But I will not play second fiddle to him. I never have. Not in reel life and never in real life.

I might have had a small role in Sholay opposite him. But it was very significant and perhaps one of the meatiest roles that I have ever done in my career. Actually, even he wouldn't be happy to see me do any less either.