Displaying the kind of wit the Janata Dal politicians tend to discover only during periods of infighting and crises, one erudite party luminary described H.D. Deve Gowda as the Mike Tyson of Indian politics: If I can't win, I shall bite your ear off.

Cruel but apt, given the length to which the man is going to destroy his own party and the government in which it commands power and presence far in excess of its numbers. He would argue, that unlike Tyson, he is not merely acting in pique, that he has a game-plan, that the people of India love him so much they can't wait any longer to see him return to 7, Race Course Road, that his astrologer has confirmed this inevitability, that he was India's best leader since Akbar or maybe Chandragupta Maurya and so on. No problem with the logic except that no one other than Sharad Yadav, C.M. Ibrahim and Harkishen Singh Surjeet seem to believe it. And you know what happens with friends like these...

What Gowda could claim with greater justification, instead, is that he is not the only one in our political ring to qualify for the title. The original Tyson is his sometime guru and alter ego Chandra Shekhar, with so formidable a reputation as a wrecker now that no one of any consequence is willing to let him get within a mile of his ear. He has built a whole aura of a rebel and a socialist revolutionary on his hatred of the Gandhi dynasty and "communal" forces. Yet he had no problem destroying his own party's government in 1991, running a four-month cash-and-carry government with a parliamentary party that did not even complete the quorum and with "outside" support of the Congress. To be completely evenhanded, he then sought the BJP's help in winning the last election even in his Balia pocket borough.

He is back in his elements now, preaching against "untouchability" in politics and searching for common ground between Murli Manohar Joshi's swadeshi and Ram Manohar Lohia's socialism. The BJP, obviously, will be useful friends in the next election as, on his own, he will have a hard time saving his deposit whether in Balia or Bhondsi, half of which is now occupied by his so-called ashram, fenced in and protected by the SPG. He too has his logic. Another election would bring another coalition, and don't his hangers-on tell him how he is the most prime ministerial of all the candidates? But for that to happen, you must bring down this government first.

Tysonism, to use that cliche so loved by our parliament reporters, cuts across party lines. So you have a Narasimha Rao, foreseeing inevitable electoral defeat, trapping all likely rivals in hawala cases. Sitaram Kesri brings down Gowda's government for some lazy Sunday afternoon entertainment even if it means risking a fresh election and the decimation of whatever remains of his party. Arjun Singh planned and plotted against Narasimha Rao from the day he was sworn into his cabinet. Murli Manohar Joshi and his lot think nothing of shouting down Vajpayee in Parliament over the Insurance Bill and Sharad Yadav splits his own party -- such as it is -- to spite an old, but more successful rival. The one honourable exception is His Holiness, the General Secretary. Harkishan Singh Surjeet has no ambitions other than being a power broker. He plays the game only for entertainment.You could also argue that the phenomenon is nothing new to Indian politics.

It is true as well that while, unlike the disgraced boxing champ, these ear-biters are not fined or disqualified, the voter and the electoral system have been consistently unforgiving with them. Ajit Singh, Narayan Dutt Tiwari, K. Karunakaran and the minor league players like Rangarajan Kumaramangalam and K.K. Tiwari have all fallen by the wayside and no prizes for guessing where will Madan Lal Khurana end up. Others are headed that way as well. Gowda's utility will be over the moment he is able to bring this government down. The point is, why does such a consistent record of failure and ignominy not deter others?

It would be tempting, and safe given the anti-politician mood today, to blame it on the venality and lack of intellect and political maturity among our politicians. The problem is, the same people often enough show a side to their personalities which is quite contrary to this public image. Even a Mulayam Singh Yadav, for example, can visit Vajpayee's house to invite him and Jaswant Singh to the Defence Ministry so he could clear their doubts about the Sukhoi-30 deal. With a government fallen and an election seemingly around the corner, the same hateful politicians had shown the maturity to agree to assemble for a special session to summarily pass a budget that made radical departures from the past.

On social occasions, in the Central Hall and surely as members of Indian delegations at international forums the same politicians display warmth, bonhomie and understanding that would be the envy of most democracies. Watch them perform in the special midnight session later this week and many of them will not only fill you with pride but also make you wonder how come they then come together to give us such a rotten system.

Some of this bitterness and desperation can be blamed on the kind of coalition politics we have had of late, where everybody sees a chance of becoming prime minister some day soon. Why question anybody else's delusions of grandeur when even a bumbler and a politician as inconsequential as Bommai can be mentioned as a serious prime ministerial candidate? But unfortunately it is in a coalition situation that you expect your politicians to eschew suicidal instincts even if it is too much to expect them to rise above petty ambitions.

In recent weeks we have seen emphatic claims from the BJP and the Congress that coalitions do not work, and that each one is sure to win the next election on its own, or with its pre-election allies. But even leaders who say such things know it is wishful thinking. The BJP or the Congress may lead the next government but it would still be a coalition -- hopefully minus the Janata Dal. India and its politicians have to, therefore, prepare to live with coalitions and to acquire the maturity to deal with their politics in a way that it produces governance instead of anarchy.

Today's coalition politics has degenerated into a bloody contact sport and Gujral is a helpless punching bag. After 50 years of freedom and democracy India deserves better than this sickening clash of the Tysons.

Copyright © 1997 Indian Express Newspapers (Bombay) Ltd.