Then we were reliably informed that there is this spanking new model, the New BJP, that speaks a wonderfully evolved new language full of gentle-on-the-mind words. To discover whether it was the New BJP or the Old BJP that was the Real BJP, I made my way to the party office.

``Jai Shri Ram,'' said Old BJP, looking up from a copy of Panchajanya,``You have, no doubt, come to learn more about our party.''

`Ah,'' I said, ``You are Old BJP, aren't you?''

``Namaskar,'' said New BJP, putting down a glossy English weekly, ``You are, no doubt, looking for a copy of our National Agenda.''

``Ah,'' I said, ``You are New BJP, aren't you?''

``Hindutva, that's our guiding force,'' explained Old BJP emphatically.

``Ah, this is Old BJP speaking, isn't it?'' Iasked.

``Hindutva is nothing but Bharatiyata an ancient Indian tradition,'' smiled New BJP.

``Ah, that is the voice of New BJP, isn't it?'' I asked.

``Hindi, Hindu, Hindustan. One nation, one people, one culture,'' spat out Old BJP. ``Ah, no doubt you are Old BJP,'' I said.

``We don't define Hindutva in narrow exclusivist terms. We recognise that ours is a culture made of many elements,'' said New BJP.

``If I am not mistaken, that is New BJP, isn't it?'' I ventured a guess.

``Cultural nationalism constitutes the identity of this party,'' said Old BJP, thumping the table lightly.

``Do I hear the voice of Old BJP?'' I asked.

``Cultural nationalism we categorise within the larger perspective of integral humanism,'' smiled New BJP .

``That's certainly the voice of New BJP,'' I concluded.

``It's our ideological issues that have made this party different from all other,'' said Old BJP, thumping the table heavily.

``Ah, undoubtedly Old BJP,'' I thought.

``Ideological issues can take thisparty this far and no further, our emphasis will be on governance,'' said New BJP, sweetly.

``Ah, New BJP, is that you?'' I asked.

``The election results have totally vindicated our ideological stand it's a vote for Hindutva,'' said Old BJP, clutching at the air.

``Ah, that's Old BJP, I presume?'' I asked.

``The election results have totally vindicated the politics of consensus,'' New BJP pointed out with reasonable sweetness.

``Ah, without doubt, it's New BJP speaking,'' I said.

``We will not budge an inch from our earlier commitments, especially on Ram mandir,'' said Old BJP, punching the air.

``Ah, clearly, the voice of Old BJP isn't it?'' I asked.

``Compromise is the essence of coalition politics and we will concentrate on building a Rashtra Mandir,'' said New BJP, beaming beatifically.

``Ah, that's clearly New BJP speaking,'' I said.

``We will immediately move a Bill for legislation on the mandir issue and end the decade-old controversy as quickly as possible, mark my words,'' saidOld BJ fervently.

``Ah, this is pure Old BJP-speak,'' I observed.

``We would prefer a dialogue with all communities to resolve the issue,'' said New BJP.

``Ah, this is pure New BJP-speak,'' I observed.

``We will defeat the designs of the pseudo-secularists,'' said Old BJP, raising a right hand.

``We will defeat the designs of the pseudo-secularists,'' said New BJP firmly.

``We will build up the motherland and revive nationalist fervour so that India is fully prepared to meet the challenges of the 21st century,'' said Old BJP, clawing at the air.

``We will build up the motherland and revive nationalist fervour so that India is fully prepared to meet the challenges of the 21st century,'' said New BJP, looking serious.

``We will make the new millennium the Indian Millennium,'' said Old BJP, bringing his fist down on the table.

``We will make the new millennium the Indian Millennium,'' said New BJP, looking with pride into the distance.

``Hey,'' I said, ``Hold on a minute. Now both of you arespeaking the same language. Will the real BJP stand up, please?''

At this, both BJPs were on their feet.

``Namaskar,'' said New BJP.

``Jai Shri Ram,'' said Old BJP.