The second crossing was when I read in Dempster's column in The Daily Mail that Rushdie of Satanic Verses Fame had got `dumped' by his date, model Marie Helvin, who left a party he had escorted her to, with a young actor so much for the brain vs brawn debate my reaction: he must have gone `ballistic'!

But nothing prepared me for the `real thing' India going from `holistic' to `ballistic'. Since that fateful day, the London sabbatical has been exploded almost as mythically.

Suddenly, I am the new `Hindoo' on the block with aninside track on my party's nuclear ambitions. My phone has gone ballistic as in a multiplier effect of five and I have, despite protestations to the contrary become Ms Know-It-All by virtue of the little-known fact, that I am a humble worker of the Bharatiya Janata Party. Before my sojourn to London I perchance had the honour to fly in Mr Jet's Club between Delhi and Bombay. My travelling companions were a mixed heavy-duty package of industrialists, politicians, news makers, news breakers, ad men, no men and `nowhere' men and women.

Mr Subramaniam Swamy I was introduced to by no less a personage than Mr G P Hinduja when Mr Swamy praised me for my courage in taking on the Establishment. I was able to return the compliment in full measure and with complete sincerity. When asked how my cases were progressing I could not resist that I was prepared to wait forever if necessary as in my case `Justice had been denied' hence Raj's tragic demise. Post the fact justice delayed was not justice denied as I hadalready paid the dearest price any citizen of our Nuclear Proud India should ever have to.

Back to the plane ride. I was asked by the `encourageable' Mr Swamy if I was still with the BJP. I asserted in the affirmative. Next came the `googly': `Was I an office bearer of the party?', to which I folded my hands in a pious Namaste and said in my humblest tone: `No sir. I am merely a humble party worker', followed by smile which would have done the toothpaste `Wars' proud. The words I was proud of at the time, I am living to rue today.

All my friends in London without exception imagine I am Party spokesperson, with a secret Mata Hari agenda of silence and mystery. The `truth' which by my Hindu birth and flirtations with scriptures I am bound to speak, seems unimportant. The fact that I know as little as my `honourable' local friends, is greeted with wicked British humour and innuendo.

The chaste goddess Sita had the Earth swallow her up. The virtuous Draupadi had zillions of celestial yardage to hide behind.But how does humble a Hindu widow, who is a mere party worker, respond? Silence seemed appropriate till it was given sphinx-like proportions, `the lady doth protest too much'.

Even if in the selfish interest of personal peace, it would not be inappropriate for a delegation from our Nuclear Proud India to do a round-the-world Peace Tour to put forth our commitment to the Mahatma's principles. That our five peaceful nuclear explosions were merely to shore up nationalistic Hindu pride in an era of `Kal Yug'. One never knows in these `bad times' when one's national defence preparedness may be tested. Hence, the ample precaution of `panch' as in Five. How does one explain that our holiest metals are combined as five `panch datu' or other more significant reasons for five tests. One doesn't!

A nation with the wealth of rich cultural heritage wrapped into a proud people of religious diversity need not explain though our dharma calls upon us as a nation progressing aggressively into the millennium, to take `boldand beautiful' measures but with a clarity that bears the scrutiny of the peoples of this world.

I am proud to be Indian and right or wrong, will put forth as balanced an argument for India being nuclear as any other so-called `progressive' nation. Eventually, the truth is that from holistic to ballistic is only a `karmic' step for our great nation India. i Bharat!