Their cause, remember, is a civilisational one: to preserve the country from moral contamination, to ensure that human reproduction has a bright and happy future. It's a question of saving womankind for mankind. Just listen to what that nice lady from the Shiv Sena Mahali Aghadi said after storming the Cinemax theatre in Mumbai on Wednesday: ``If women's physical needs get fulfilled through lesbian acts, the institution of marriage will collapse''. Well said, sister, wellsaid. With women like her, Indian marriages are in safe hands.

Therefore, ladies and gentlemen, in case you were planning to sneak off and see this ``perverted'' film depicting -- how can it even be expressed in words? -- lesbian acts, you are advised to sit at home and read something morally edifying and spiritually uplifting like Bal Thackeray's Collected Speeches instead. In case there are some who continue to harbour the illusion that they, having cut their milk teeth, graduated from college, and reached the age of discretion, can decide for themselves whether Deepa Mehta's film is worthy of their attention and money, perish the thought.

This is to reiterate, once and for all, that being over 18 may make an individual eligible to vote, but is still no guarantee that he/she has acquired full control over his/her baser instincts. Above all, the pure Bharatiya nari needs to be protected, not so much from the thugs who harass and rape, but from her own clearly dangerous sexual urges andimpulses.

After all, hasn't it been said in a hundred tongues spoken in towns and villages all over the country that a woman, a donkey and a drum must all be beaten? How else can they be controlled anyway?

It cannot be denied that freedom of expression is the cornerstone of civil liberty. But this freedom can surely be enjoyed only by those who have the moral authority to do so. That's why, while Deepa Mehta's right to express herself is highly suspect, that of the Shiv Sena Mahila Aghadi to break the window panes and shout slogans is absolute.

That's why while some rock bands need to be carefully monitored by the Stage Performance Scrutiny Board, Michael Jackson can moonwalk all over Mumbai because he has the Shiv Sena's permission to do so. Artistic licence is a recognised feature of civil society, true. But when artistic licence degenerates into artistic licentiousness, it's time to set art on fire.