Stop before you say the words!

Sunanda Mehta

The ceremony is just about over, the guests have gone home and you are in a situation you have seen in countless movies. You open the door to behold the bride bedecked in her wedding finery as she demurely sits under the canopy of jasmine and roses. But this is where the similarity between reel life and real life ends. For now comes the vital function of breaking the ice between you and your betrothed. And unlike the film hero, with your lapsing into a Chaudhvi Ka Chaand or Kabhi Kabhi Mere Dil Mein more likely to drive her away rather than near you, you have to resort to dialogues that no third party has written for you. So, what do you say?

Well, frankly, it is a little difficult to suggest the right lines, but there are certainly a few you would do well to steer clear of, so as to make a decent enough first impression.

The never-to-be-used opening lines:

You looked so beautiful at the ceremony - just like my mother.

The food your folks spread out was superb - did you taste that divine onion and garlic salad?

How much would all this gold you're wearing be worth?

From today, your parents are my parents, your brother is my brother, your girlfriends are my girlfriends.

I have a confession to make. There was someone in my life before you came... and his name was Harry.

Gee, thanks for accepting me, now I can show a thumb to all the other 15 who said no before you.

I have this amnesia problem but it really doesn't come in the way. Er... what's you name?

You looked real funny when you tripped over that lehenga of yours while walking up the stage.

Do you have life insurance?

I wanted to take you to the Bahamas for the honeymoon but was not too sure if you'd like it. So I booked for Baramati instead.

I am so excited today - India has reached the finals of the World Cup.

I heard you loved reading, so I brought a book for you as a gift. It's written by Osho and is called Marriage - The Outdated Institution.

I really liked your elaborate wedding dress, reminded me of Cate Blanchett in Elizabeth.

Do you snore?

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