Whereas the mothers of yester years were happy just cooking and tending to the children, their daughters now want more out of their lives.``Nothing wrong in that and I won't blame today's mothers either. But earlier, our being constantly at home, made the house seem more like a home, than today, when children often found returning to an empty house.'' says Sheela Karande, 54. Nature has created the mother as the focal point of a child's life. Therefore it is best that in his initial formative years, the mother stays with him totally. Most young mothers do realise this and adjust their work and interests to suit their mother-role.

However, this leaves them restless, thus giving rise to frustrations. Is this then a sign of the `mother' weakening to the emerging identity of the woman in her? ``At times I feel this is true. Especially when these young mothers express their frustration at doing nothing other than the endless chores of motherhood, like changing nappies and feeding babies.'' says Sujata Shende, 54. ``Once you choose to be a mother, you will most certainly be tied down. Then why not accept it?'' she ponders philosophically. Maybe that is why some women are consciously deciding against having a child.

Being a good mother is definitely not an easy job. There are certain qualities that are very basic to being a good mother, like that of patience and self-sacrifice. In this, the present-day mothers are falling short of. Thus we may find these mothers placing their own selves before those of their children. ``It is simply a matter of of balancing priorities'', argues Rashmi Deshpande, 32 , and adds, ``At times of heavier work-loads my needs take an upper hand, while at most other times my son takes precedence over everything else.'' Rashmi has consciously switched from working in a private firm to a teaching job, which favours her responsibilities as a mother.

The role of a mother is structured by old societal norms and it becomes difficult to break away from its rigid definition. The woman thus get weighed down by dual responsibilities. As Deepa Inamdar, 34 states, ``Today's mom is caught up in a tussle of emotions, none emerging the stronger. She struggles to attain that elusive perfection; both, as a mother and as a woman in her own right''.

Most mothers passing through this phase often wearily wonder whether they are better off only as `mothers'. More so because as families become nuclear, the sole responsibility of the child's development rests on her shoulders. ``And that is exactly why today's mother needs to step out,'' points out S. Sharma 55, who has been working since she was a young mother.

Explaining her view she adds, ``Today's growing competition requires our children to be smarter and a mother who is well-exposed to the outside world can really contribute to this goal.'' Nandini Pange, 34, a housewife agrees, ``I feel that I am stagnating just sitting at home. Ideally the mother should go out to work. This way she can enrich her life as well as her child's, imparting him more knowledge. The mother is in the true sense, the child's first teacher.''

Children being children, would not they simply love their mother to be hovering over them 24 hours a day? But if properly explained to, they learn to accept their mother's absence. Better education and a fast-paced environment have urged the mother to seek her identity as a person. But that does not mean that she is a `no-good' mother. Sheela Karande agrees, ``Since the child is her own blood, the mother always has her child's well-being at heart. The motherly feeling is definitely not eroding, it is just changing expression.'' Take cooking, for instance. Present-day mothers may not actually have the time to cook for their children, but they will never compromise on nutrition before picking up readymade food from the store.

Mothers spend a lifetime tending, loving and giving their everything to us, their children. Isn't it time we gave them their due? A little more time for themselves to go out in search of their inner selves, their emerging identities?