It has happened -- the unthinkable has happened. The world record has been broken and I'm not talking about Sachin's unbeatable 140 against Kenya or Dravid and Ganguly's partnership of 318 vs Sri Lanka. These are things which everyone knows. I'm talking about that record being broken which was set by the highest grossing motion picture of all times Titanic. And who has shattered that record but Star Wars -- The Phantom Menace. May the force always be with you. And where Indian politics is concerned, may the farce always be with us.

Magar choddo vilayaat ki baaton ko, let's talk about cricket. Last month, I said the three most probable teams to enter the World Cup finals would be South Africa, Australia and England. Now, England has entered the finals -- not the finals of the World Cup but the final stage of their cricket playing days. England is officially out of the Super Six -- the way they played with India, the only Super Six they would get to see wouldbe Juhu Beach's Super Sixes -- Kamla, Vimla, Razia, Sultana, Cochin Priya and Shakuntala, hai hai. De taale! (Eunuch what I mean.)

So, I was completely wrong about England. I'm sorry about that readers, inconveniences regretted by cinema management. Me thinks the same thing happened to Alec Stewart that happened to Shah Rukh Khan in the Pepsi ad -- you know, when the English guard told him "Chall phutle". But do not worry about Alec Stewart's career, my friends. He is now working at a riverside inn bar in North London as a stewart(d). Phutne ki baat challe, to bhagya to Ranatunga saab ke bhi phute hain. I think Ranatunga should retire from cricket and become Rana of Raja and Rana fame and ride a tanga.

The same goes for the West Indies -- arre, Lara tu kaise hara. Chul wapas chal Chanderpaul ghar se aa gaya mummy ka call. And Curtly Ambrose (the missing link) should now just say, `Am roze haar ta hai.'

I think the WestIndies team should now become vegetable vendors -- and should start selling ladies fingers. They would make a lot of money there because only the cricketers of the West Indies would be able to sell the best bhindis.

But all said and done, some moments can never be forgotten. Like Zimbabwe beating South Africa (I wonder how much money Hansie Cronje and his team bet on Zimbabwe to win), Bangladesh beating Pakistan (let's check Wasim Akram's bank account now) and India thrashing England and then Venkatesh Prasad being lifted and tossed around by the thousands of spectators (I've heard of tossed salad but never of tossed Prasad). Last but not the least, who can forget the controvesial decision of LBW against Graham Thorpe given in India's favour by Pakistani umpire Javed Akhtar. Actually what must've happened after that ball was delivered is that Srinath must've asked the umpire, `Which floor do you stay on?' And he must've said, `The 13th floor, right on top,' and raised his finger.

So after all, theumpire does strike back.

Today's is a crucial match (besides being a contraceptive and a ball pen). The big one: India vs Australia. Both teams have to win all matches to enter the semi finals. Do or die. Dil kehta hain Hindustan, bheja kehta hain Australia. I some how seem to know the result of every match before hand because of my frind Suresh Menon (no, he is not related to model-actress and now veejay Shweta Menon who is perpetually dressed in black so that people can call her Menon black). He is not just a very funny guy but knows more about cricket than Vijay Merchant. This guy is not just good looking but also witty, young and available (I am not talking about Vijay Merchant but the super stud, Suresh). Interested girls may contact on: 98210 94717 between 6.00 am and 6.00 am.

Coming back to cricket, according to me, some of the players of the Indian cricket team should be replaced by Ramu Ghariyali and Kartik More as the opening batsmen. They are in charge of the bat cages at the localchidiyaghar and no body would be better bats than them. Fast bowler: Salman Khan -- nobody can bowl maidens over faster than him. I would love to stay back and give you more details about the team but I've got to go now because the match has started. No my friends, I am not talking about India vs Australia. I am talking about the fighting match between Mr Mansukhramani, my building secretary, and Mr Karanjia, my building treasurer, at the local buildiny meeting.

Sajid Khan says India will win -- if not the World Cup, then everyone's sympathy.