He is being chased by a duck, a tiger and a shark. Right in the mix is that lava-eating Swede, Jesper Parnevik, who played with toilet paper up his nose to keep it from dripping on his ball while he putted.

Maybe the sight of the leggy blonde in a bikini top and G-string, who pranced onto the 18th green to kiss Tiger Woods late in the first round, was only a prelude to freaky day.

Most bizarre of all were the birdies -- a lot more than Thursday, but not enough to allow anyone to beat par after two rounds in wicked winds on toughest links golf course in world.

Determined not to repeat his collapse from the first round, Van de Velde made two birdies and two parsin the final four holes for a 68. He had a 1-over 143 for a one-stroke lead over Angel Cabrera (69), known as `The Duck' in Argentina.

Parnevik, who nearly walked off the course after six holes because of the worst hay fever attack of his life, stuck around for a 71 and was at 145. Woods, Greg Norman and Patrik Sjoland were another stroke back.

Woods bogeyed on two of the last three holes for a 72. Perhaps his best shot of the day was a wedge he hacked out of the greenside rough that went 15 feet off the putting surface.

The Shark wasn't immune to the insanity. Norman was 4-under for the day until taking a whiff from the rough on No 17 on his way to a triple bogey. He still managed a 70 and looks like he'll be a factor to win his third claret jug.

David Duval (75) just made the cut, meaning he gets two more cracks at Carnoustie -- unless he decides he would be better of picking up a pot of boiling water with his bare fingers.

The last Frenchman to win the Open was Errand Massy in 1907. Van de Veldehas won just one European tour event -- the Roma Masters in 1993 -- but there is no reason why he can't continue his fine play.

`El Pato' doesn't know of anyone in his northern Argentine province who is called `El Tigre,' but he's got one on his heels at Carnoustie. Woods struggled down the stretch for second straight day but continued to play with remarkable poise.

Parnevik couldn't think of anything to do about his state of health - hay fever, allergies, a headache. ``I had to time my putts and shots between sneezes,'' he said. ``It was terrible.''

He finally decided to stuff tissue up his nose. It looked goofy, but the son of Sweden's most famous comedian is known to eat volcanic sand to clean out his system. And remember, this is the guy with the funny hat. It was a day to find laughter somewhere. It should turn more serious on the weekend as the claret jug comes into view.