January 10, 2000

Yehi Hai Right Price, Baby

DILLIWALLAHS, I am certain, will clearly remember the embarrassing time when Richard Gere, in India to raise funds (and his own consciousness), refused to be photographed in front of a sponsor's gleaming motorbike, at a glitzy fundraiser. Yes, the very bike that had been dragged on stage for the photo-op. Well, Gere in fourth gear, was smarter than most high-profile celebs who frequently get conned into indirectly endorsing a product. For free. Sharp Hollywood agents charge enormous sums of money to protect their clients from getting similarly exploited. Not only do they help draft watertight contracts that spell out what the client will or will not do, (it's all there in the fine print) but any infringement of these rights is dealt with swiftly and expensively. Nobody wants to mess with these guys. Least of all a big bucks sponsor looking for a free ride.

Not so in India. I have watched the biggest names in Bollywood being coerced into posing with brands they have nothing to do with - commercially, that is, "Please sir... please madam," says and oily PR person while nudging the celebrity still closer to a poster or a banner. Rather than create a scene in public, most VIPs go along meekly. Except our canny cricketers. These guys have been well-trained by their minders. They will not breathe for free, if they can help it. There'll be someone reminding them that even a breath can be sponsored by a mouth-wash manufacturer. Cricketers are walking-talking ads for a myriad products. Every inch of their frames has a label stuck on it. They know the rules of the game. And they cannot be talked into dumbly standing in front of a hoarding, phookat mein.

Unfortunately, the naive elements end up getting seriously suckered. Insidious advertising works in several different ways. These days, it is impossible to attend an event that isn't being staged with the help of fat-cat sponsors whether it is Ganpati pandals in Mumbai or Durga Puja badis in Calcutta, you can be sure a gutka king is lurking and leering in the shadows. Why not? After all, he's picking up the tab. Invitations to the ritziest events in town have logos dominating the cards. Poor Laloo and Mulayam are being questioned by the income-tax guys, thanks to the extravaganzas they called "family weddings". But who knows, maybe every ladoo had a mithaiwallahs label stuck on it.

Years ago, in Mumbai, a farsighted woman had figured it all out. Each time she wished to impress her influential and richie rich friends, she'd take her guest list to assorted sponsors, not forgetting the chicken farmers of her acquaintance. She'd 'host' a lavish party at a fancy restaurant, and then waltz away blithely without having paid for even the water on the table. At the time, her invitees would mock her cheap tactics and deride her for selling out. Today, the mightiest on the social circuit have followed suit. They may not list out the sponsors on the invitation card, but the sponsors get their mileage regardless, by say, being the only champagne/cognac at the bar.

Dirty commercialisation? No, honey. A modern day fact of life. With countless brand ambassadors floating around peddling everything from perfumes, watches to unmentionables, the game is just about hotting up. And higher,canny celebs are cottoning on to the fact that even an accidental photograph taken at an unguarded moment next to a product display, is a business opportunity lost. The cost to them is formidable, up to a couple of Big C's, depending on the celeb's market-value. Which maybe the reason why you might see a movie star ducking at the sight of popping flashbulbs. Relax. It has nothing to do with new-found reticence. What do you see? A cola company featuring a rival? There you are, then. You've got your answer.

But all is not lost yet. There are still some very hungry (for publicity, that is) celebs out there, who are willing to say "cheese" at the sight of a lens painted in their their general direction. Cheapo sponsors, please note. Of course, for a few dollars more, you can get the real names. But not for moofat. Yehi hai right price, baby. Aaaha!

 

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