One, Two Ka Four

You must ‘count’ your blessings that you don’t live in the United States of ‘Numerica’, or you would have to probably tattoo your social security number on your arm. There is little that you can do without that cipher combo, other than perhaps frequent the public urinary

From PIN to PAN to anniversary dates, numbers have taken over our lives as never before, despairs RADHIKA K. WANKANER

What is mobile number, what is your style number, hoga phir aana jaana, de de koi easy number,’’ crooned an ambitious lover not so long ago. Only it’s not that simple which is why, even the all-vanquishing superman, the Hindi film hero, pleads for an ‘‘easy number’’. Can’t exactly blame him, can you, considering how cruel the numerical order can be? If you thought you were done with your quota of memorising numbers once you laboured past your board exams in school, you couldn’t be more off the mark. For, the intimidating maths syllabus notwithstanding, the countdown has only just begun.

Numbers rule. Whether it is living in sector numbers 24/18/36...of Chandigarh, Gurgaon, Noida or being qaidi number 420 in a prison cell for that matter. And then there’s always the dice in the casino or the anxiety of choosing an auspicious date for the opening of your mithai shop or striking a lucky lottery number. Even when it comes to more mundane issues, say, inquiring after a telephone number or wanting to know your ticket confirmation number. Dial the enquiry number first. Only, try to successfully remember which number leads to which. Yes, there is no respite.

Numbers, especially now that there are so many to memorise, are everybody’s nemesis. You are damned if you can’t remember your bank account number, ATM number, Personal Identification Number (PIN), Permanent Account Number (PAN), passport number, locker number, anniversary dates and, well, the list goes on and on.

However, you must ‘count’ your blessings that you don’t live in the United States of ‘Numerica’, or you would have to probably tattoo your social security number on your arm. There is little that you can do without that cipher combo, other than perhaps frequent the public urinary. Better count your small change for that too. ‘‘Back there, if you can’t account for yourself, you just don’t count,’’ quips flag-waving Indian, Anirudh Chandra, a budding lawyer.

Though we are becoming more and more dependent on numbers, most of us, as mathematician John Allen Paulos puts it, are innumerate. ‘‘We haven’t yet developed a sense of numbers,’’ says Professor Shobhit Mahajan, Department of Physics and Astrophysics, Delhi University. ‘‘We are so inundated with them that all these numbers have lost their sense of meaning for us.’’ Little wonder then that the mathematics we are made to study only acquaints us with an abstract concept of numbers. They have just become referrals. ‘‘In spite of being comfortable with numbers myself, I too have gotten my ATM card chewed up once,’’ confesses Mahajan.

Advertising guru Alyque Padamsee too turns an ordinary mortal when he admits that moving from names to numbers may be great for banks and income tax purposes but otherwise it is nothing short of infernal hell. ‘‘Instead of dealing with people we are now dealing only with ciphers, be it the ATM or the answering machine!’’ exclaims Padamsee. ‘‘My method of dealing with numbers, numbers and more numbers is to keep a card in my wallet, which has all the key numbers that I need. I keep one more number, which opens the door to all other numbers — my secretary’s number!’’

If you are not as fortunate as Padamsee, you would do well to remember all that you need to. If you own a credit card and happen to forget your Personal Identification Number (PIN), for instance, you will be required to to shell out a minimum of Rs 200 to get it replaced. But there are people who scoff at this human frailty. Says Dewang Mehta, Chairman, NASSCOM, ‘‘The average Indian is good with numbers, so I don’t see why numbers could pose a problem. And maybe soon when our technology is more sophisticated, just like in the West where even car number plates now bear names we will have names in our SIM cards in place of numbers.’’

However, if you think forgetting numbers is a modern-day affliction, take heart. There’s an eminently quotable instance about physicist Albert Einstein who fancied himself a violinist. Once he was rehearsing a Haydn string quartet. When he failed for the fourth time to get his entry in the second movement, the cellist looked up and said, ‘‘The problem with you, Albert, is that you simply can’t count.’’

Mathematical philosopher Bertrand Russell had no such problem. The great logician that he was, he once claimed he could prove anything if given that that one plus one equals one. So, one day somebody asked him, ‘‘OK. Prove that you’re the Pope.’’ Russell thought for a while and then proclaimed, ‘‘I am one. The Pope is one. Therefore, the Pope and I are one!’’

Now, of course, there’s more to numeric problems than ever. Try making sense of your train ticket, for example. There is your age, the date and time of departure, the time of arrival, the train number, reservation number, coach number and berth number. If you remember to retain the ticket, you need not memorise everything, of course. At home, if you happen to be an in-law-abiding wife though, not only must you remember your mom-in-law’s birthday and your sister-in-law’s anniversary but it would also help if you could rattle off auspicious dates, by both the lunar and solar calendars, and exact measurements of your husband’s collar size and his favourite recipe as quick as you calculate how much change the vegetable vendor owes you for the pau ser of methi.

Says Madhumati Singh, a psychologist with the NGO Samvedna, ‘‘Numbers are one of the ingredients that make for modern-day living. Given the importance that is given to them, both in terms of marks and money, they doubtless cause stress.’’ Perhaps blessed are those who live off their numbers. Bond, James Bond, couldn’t have been one without his lethal license to kill — 007.

The rest of us can make do with memorising the digits in our cola caps and hope with the hype — ‘‘Mera number aayega’’. Perhaps Auden got it all pat when he wrote in The Unknown Citizen:

‘‘He was found by the bureau of statistics to be
One against whom there was no official complaint,
And all the reports on his conduct agree
That, in the modern sense of an old fashioned word, he was a saint...
...Our researchers into public opinion are content
That he held the popular opinions for the time of year.
When there was peace, he was for peace; when there was war, he went.
He was married and added five children to the population,
Which our Eugenists say was the
right number for a parent of his gener-ation,
And our teachers report that he never interfered with their education.
Was he free? Was he Happy? The question is absurd:
Had anything been wrong, we certainly should have heard.’’

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