focus Q & A
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Reading And Not Believing
Q: Many sex books say that having simultaneous orgasm is most pleasurable but my wife and I are unable to do so. Are we doing something wrong?
— John, Chennai
THE only thing you are doing wrong is reading and believing such books! Simultaneous orgasm is a rarity and concentrating on achieving it can lead to sexual problems. It leads to ‘‘spectatoring’’ that builds up stress on the partners. It also prevents the partner from being natural and free — the essential ingredients for good sex. Moreover it makes sex stereotyped by exclusively laying emphasis on the orgasm alone and not on the relationship and sexual interaction.

They are also certain technical problems associated with attempts at simultaneous orgasm. The type of movements that men and women make at the moment of orgasm tend to be somewhat incompatible with each other’s needs. A man generally wants to hold the position whereas a woman often prefers continuous stimulation near the time of climax. Coordination, therefore, may be difficult leading to arguments and frustrations. Enjoy the total experience and not the end point alone!

Resisting Temptation
Q: I am 17 years old. Most of my friends drink but I don’t drink. Still, my parents do not allow me to go to parties. They think I will also start drinking alcohol. Why don’t they have confidence in me?
— Puneet, Vadodra
I ADMIRE your clear thinking but your parents too have a point. Not that they don’t have confidence in you, they instinctively know how difficult it is to resist pressure of various kinds. They are not against you meeting your friends — they are opposing the oppressive situations which are likely to pressurise you. Situational pressures are of many kinds. The earliest is unspoken or ‘inside’ pressure i.e. no one actually pressurises you but you feel pressured just because other people are doing a particular act. This is followed by the simple offer or ‘‘an invitation’’ to join in the ‘fun’. The friends may take your ‘no’ without question or they may use ‘‘verbal pressure’’ — calling others a ‘‘mama’s boy’’ or ‘‘chicken’’ are some examples of such pressure tactics. If this doesn’t work, many ‘friends’ are not averse to apply physical pressure — threatening with violence or intimidating gestures (‘‘you are going to have one’’ in a menacing tone). All of us experience different degrees of pressure at different times. And as the pressure increases so does the difficulty of sticking to your ‘no’. Your parents understand this or may have even faced it themselves! Do meet your friends, but in smaller groups, at more convenient time and in more conducive circumstances.

Medically Speaking
Q: What is prolapse of the uterus? I am 52-years-old and my doctor has advised me to undergo an operation for prolapse. Can some other measures help?
— Rajmani, Pune
ALL internal pelvic organs are kept securely in their respective places by being enveloped with connective tissue called as fascia and by being anchored to pelvic bones and other organs by muscles and ligaments — the tense, dense cords of connective tissue.

Any condition e.g. advancing age, multiple child births, obesity, debility and very poor muscle tone, which brings laxity to these ligaments especially the uterosacral ligaments may result in the displacement of uterus from its normal position. Gross laxity can lead to actual protrusion of the cervix and uterus out of vagina. Any displacement of uterus can result in painful menstruation, pelvic congestion, backache and discomfort during coitus. It is often accompanied by herniation of other organs, such as the rectum or bladder. Surgery is the only answer for severe prolapse, though the lesser degrees are helped by performing pelvic exercises and certain yogasanas. The use of pessary can only be a temporary measure.

It’s All In The Posture
Q: MY child slouches and has poor posture. She is otherwise good-looking but her poor posture makes people pass comments on her. What should I do?
— Jasbir, Panchkula
VERY few children who slouch or have poor posture suffer from any orthopedic problem. Approximately two per cent of adolescents have Scoliosis or Kyphosis (curvatures of the spine) and for the rest, poor posture basically reflects a poor habit. Some times a poor self-image and concerns with growing up, especially breast enlargement in adolescent girls, are the real reasons behind a poor posture.
You need a posture strategy to combat her poor posture. Does she have poor posture all the time or only when she feels low or tired? Does the posture ever become straight or does the slouch remain always? Rule out any physical causes and start an exercise schedule, which strengthens the ‘‘posture muscles’’.
Build up both, the abdominal and the back muscles. Let your child know the advantages of a good posture — that will motivate her to continue with the exercise schedule. Talk to her and build up her self-image. Above all, comment positively on the improvement and reward the progress she makes.

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